Monday morning

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I suddenly got awake from the sleep, realised that I was seeing a dream, not a bad dream but a dream which makes me feel crap, one of the series of dreams which I am seeing since last seven months. I got aware of the fact that is a Monday morning, just turned my head right to the pillow to see the clock in my laptop, it required one touch at keyboard to bring back life in monitor, it was 4.50 am, and room was full of sunlight after the curtain had failed to stop them.

The lights of my room were on, I would not have switched them off last night as I would have slept while reading. I saw the book, one of Elizabeth George’s Inspector Lynley series was lying beside with the bookmark loosely tucked in the pages. Don’t know when I slept, although I am aware I saw time of 11.15 pm so it must be after that. These days it is quite difficult to make out whether the light in your room is ‘on’ or ‘off’, many days I don’t even switch them ‘on’, I thought the only way to stop sunlight coming in the room would be cover the space for window with some thick cardboard and paint it black, I would have done that only if it was not a rented flat but my own.

I am lying on the bed still having hangover of the dream, questions are criss-crossing my mind, questions for which I get no answer, they do nothing except to make me feel crap and bring back memories of past. I realise the only way to exempt myself from questions is to get up. I got up, went to bathroom, was relieved to see no sunlight there, turned the tap to as right as I could and then splashed the cold water on my face it felt good. I went to kitchen , no sunlight here as well, atleast for the next couple of hours till the sun traverses it path from East to West and hits the kitchen in between. The foliage outside the window looks so peaceful and soothing to the eyes, the neighbour’s row house seems empty since last week, they might have gone somewhere to spend their summer vacation as I haven’t seen the remote control operated shutter of their garage going up and down since last week.

While I pour the milk from the carton of milk, the water is boiling in saucepan with English black tea in it. I need to go to Helsinki or start the hunt for loose black tea once again in Hameenlinna as there is about 2 weeks of tea left, so much for inventory management. I wanted to be in Kitchen for some more time as it is the only place in flat where it is no sunlight, is cool and does not remind me of anything. I put the cup of tea on the dining table and thought of coming to my blog so that I can share what I am feeling now, atleast with my blog.

I bring my laptop from room to kitchen, the monitor has messages from my friend who is in Malaysia right now, it must be 11 am there, he had said something about his weekend adventure, some historic place which he had visited. The outlook was showing some messages in it but I have not the slightest inclination to look at the messages, six alphabets is all that is required and my blog home page comes up and I start typing.

A new week for a new month and life goes on, someway the character of Sean Penn in the movie “ The assassination of Richard Nixon “ comes into my mind, why I don’t know ? Have I become a pathetic loser like the character of the movie?